I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
