i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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