You made me cry and you don't even care
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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