I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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