You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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