He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
