I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
