We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
