Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize