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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it glows. i had to have it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
