I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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