no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
