If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
