I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
