When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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