i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
