the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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