I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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