I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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