i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
