how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You ate ashes out of my bong
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
