You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize