Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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