nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
