why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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