Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
