Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
