i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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