dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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