an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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