Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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