He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
