half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
