Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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