He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
