the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
