I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im just a social blackout drinker.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
