Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
