That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
