3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
