Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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