yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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