Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had sex on a roof
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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