I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize