It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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