just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
