I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
