My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
