I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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