96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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