He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
