he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
