she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
