booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
