we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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