anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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