I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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