Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
