how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize