I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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