I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
