her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize