You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
