listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
