bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need moral support for this bender
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
