I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
