dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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