So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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