She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if only i could text you this smell
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
