He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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