Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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