Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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