i permit you to call me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
