She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
