I'm so fucking centered right now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize