oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
