hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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