I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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