so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
