woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
