I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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