Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
