so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
