That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
