i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
