so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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