My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
