I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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