Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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