I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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