Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
