I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize