there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
