I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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