So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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