I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I see more hoeing in ur future
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