What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
