i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
