The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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