we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize