If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
