thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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