Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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(407): View more from Florida

me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.

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(586): View more from Michigan

i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..

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(325): View more from Texas

suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?

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(716): View more from New York

He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"

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(310): View more from California

I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me

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