its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
