Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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