this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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