The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
