still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
