he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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